How raising a toddler is like a frat party
10. There are half-full, brightly-colored plastic cups on the floor in every room. Three are in the bathtub.
9. There's always that one girl, bawling her eyes out in a corner.
8. It's best not to assume that the person closest to you has any control over their digestive function.
7. You sneak off to the bathroom knowing that as soon as you sit down, someone's going to start banging on the door.
6. Probably 80% of the stains on the furniture contain DNA.
5. You've got someone in your face at 3 a.m. looking for a drink.
4. There's definitely going to be a fight.
3. You're not sure whether anything you're doing is right, you just hope it won't get you arrested.
2. There are crumpled-up underpants everywhere.
1. You wake up wondering exactly how and when the person in bed with you got there.
Other additions:
Someone happily exclaims "BOOBIES!" (sometimes while trying on someone else's bra).
You have to hide the stuff you don't want broken.
The next morning, no one except you remembers what happened.
You'll have to go through the pictures to remove the ones your parents shouldn't see.
There is a fair chance that you will only understand 10 percent of what anyone says to you, even though they speak with great passion and in a loud voice.
you never know what you might find in the toilet.
dancing on tables, staggering and knocking things over is the norm.
Someone always ends up with marker drawings all over his face and/or body.
When a boy runs into the room, waiving his underwear over his head, doing the penis dance, no one even looks up.
Someone is going to hurl without notice
In the morning, everything smells like pee
Lifting up the lid of the toilet is always a gamble
There's always some bleary eyed fool watching the same movie over and over and over again
There is a good chance someone is dialing a phone number they shouldn't be dialing.
A girl running around the house half naked is the norm.
Always those that insist on taking a piss in the garden.
there's always that one person who's just begging to be picked up.
There is no food left in the house even though you went grocery shopping yesterday and no one will admit to eating any of it.
Every time the doorbell rings, you say a silent prayer that everyone will remain mostly clothed for the next 30 seconds and/or have the sense to stay out of eyeshot of the person at the door.
You can't remember the last time you went to the bathroom by yourself.
The mess is horrible and it's literally impossible to get it all clean at once, but it's all 100% worth it in the end.
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