Three(ish) weeks

So, I realized that it's been 3 weeks since I decided I wasn't screwing around anymore with my weight loss. I wish I could say that I've lost 6 pounds and am on target for my 4w goal but I can't. I can, however, say I've lost 4. I'm thrilled. I'm back in the 130s (barely) but I know that one mess up in diet and I won't be anymore. I've also been pretty diligent w/workouts (aside from last week when we were all sick). It sounds like a lot of excuses...I realize that. whatever. it's my fitness journey, if I need to rest to get well so I can take care of my family, I will. Here's the proof yesterday morning (if you follow me on instagram you've seen this already)...

Almost 2 weeks...

So, it's been almost 2 weeks since I decided I was going to get rid of the last baby pounds and so far so good. I forgot how much I actually like clean eating and exercise. They are good for the mind and definitely keep me more sane. I've lost 2.5 pounds (not much I know but it's SOMEthing and certainly better than nothing). I've worked out consistently and I honestly feel much, much better. I had my second session with Kim on Wednesday and she did not go easy on me at all. I got dizzy...she kicked my ass...literally. I begged for good mornings so I didn't have to do more squats. She won. I lost. Well, actually I win but...I enjoy the workouts. They are hard and they make me sweat and I feel awesome when I'm done with them. I don't want to undo what she does so I work out on my own...funny how that works, huh?

Tonight I'm shooting a wedding; it will be the 4th and last for me. Why?
1. I don't love them.
2. It's a LOT of time away from my kids and my husband (who is not home often).
3. It's not enough money for me to be away that long.
4. I'm a mom first and my kids are only little once.
5. I don't love them. I want to photograph toddlers, not people getting married.
6. It's stressful and makes me question my abilities.

 It's been a crazy week. Conner was sick and is better now, thankfully. Tyler has been cutting more teeth and is extra fun and fussy. The teething keeps him up more at night, which leaves me extra tired. I got my van back, finally!

other than the wedding, we have NO plans this weekend and I'm glad. Monday Ty-man has his 6mo appt. what? he's 6mo? I know. that flew by! I'll do a Tyler post tomorrow.

4 weeks later.

I can not believe that our tiny baby is 4 weeks old already. He sleeps....like a baby and is up every 2ish hours at night. He stays up most of the morning and then starts sleeping in the afternoon. He sleeps all afternoon, with the exception of waking up to eat. He's up again in the evening. He's starting to try to smile. You know the one...that big open mouth half smile. Cutest thing ever....even the 3rd time. He still has all of that hair and I really hope it doesn't fall out. He can roll over but only when he wants to. He is still nursing and taking bottles; he's not  too picky yet.

How am I? I'm hanging in there. I'm tired and still sore. I'm really ready to start working out again but I don't want to hurt myself so I'm not pushing it. I definitely don't feel as overwhelmed as I did after Parker was born and for that I'm very thankful. My biggest complaint is that I'm tired. I am starting to get back into my regular clothes but I still have a ways to go before *those* jeans will fit. I'll get there. I've been trying to eat clean (when I actually have time to make myself food). I've lost 20lb and have 20 left to go. Something that I've been doing most days is getting dressed and putting some form of make up on daily.It really helps me to feel human. I've also been trying to drink a lot of water but it's hard some days since I'm so busy going from kid to kid to kid. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world!
Here's me 4w later (can't believe I'm posting this but it's all about accountability, right?!).  Clearly I didn't get dressed today but Parker has been sick and have I mentioned I'm tired?

Fitness?

really, fitness? did I just write that? YES, I did. I forgot to mention that my ob said for me to GO WORK OUT. No heavy lifting but I can do everything I was doing before (since the blighted twin thing wasn't what's going on in my uterus). I won't lie, I'm nervous about it. I did pick up a Pregnancy Fitness DVD today from Target. The creator of this series is a mom and has 3 small kids. If she can do it, I can too! I'm excited to try it out and am planning on getting up early tomorrow to get it in before I take Conner to school. I'm hoping it will help me get into my routine again.

I notice that days when I eat crap, crap, crap, my headaches are worse. I've been pretty lazy so I haven't been meal planning but then I found The Gracious Pantry. This site has clean eating crock pot meals. What?! Sign me up! They have a subscribe button and I totally put my email address in that box and clicked subscribe!! I am pretty excited to have not only crock pot meals but other easy options. The only "problem" that the clean eating recipes have is that they have (what some would say) a lot of ingredients. My start up (again) to clean eating's grocery list will be long but in the end it's worth it and maybe just maybe my headaches will get better.

Saturday Rant

Let me start by saying that I am thrilled that I am pregnant again and are completely blessed and excited that our family is going to grow. Party of 5 here we come!

Now....I have gained almost 10 pounds already (I gained 25 and 28 respectively w/my other two kids). It's a combination of going from clean eating to carb eating, going from hardcore, kick my butt workouts to no workouts. This is k.i.l.l.i.n.g. me. My butt is growing at rates I didn't know it could grow. My sanity suffers. My mental health suffers. I need my workouts. They are my 'drug' of choice. Nothing is better than a runner's 'high', that sore 'OMG I did something yesterday' feeling is awesome. I love when I scratched my thigh that it was firm, not flabby. Being so much more sedentary is not good for my body, mind or soul. I know that there are many, many people that do not work out, even more that do not eat clean but that was/is not me. I have always used exercise as my outlet and not being able to have that outlet is so hard for me. I also do not want to have to lose 40-50 pounds after this pregnancy. How will I make/find the time for exercise after this baby is here. I know, I know, if it's important the time is there. I know that and I tell people that. I make time for my photography, my workouts, cooking clean healthy meals and snacks. I always have. I know that adding one more after having 2 (well, I've heard) is really not that big of a deal. I don't even know where I'm going with this, I just need to vent. I want to add that if my dr tells me no exercise at my next appointment, I will ask why. I will ask if I can swim (which I hate) or do water aerobics (with the old people). If she gives an explanation and tells me no exercise, I will 110% listen. I also know that this weight gain is temporary but damn it weigh is hard to lose and it gets harder every year.

My plan...Right now, I can't exercise. light walking does not equal exercise to me. I can choose to go back to my clean eating ways. That does not mean I will count calories (I didn't anyway). It does mean I will eat more complex carbs, more fruit/veggies, more lean protein. It means I will not eat as many refined (white) carbs. I will limit sugar (which makes me feel terrible after I eat it, any explanation there?). I will not drink coffee without sugar but I will use sugar free (whatever the pumpkin spice isn't sugar free). Ok, I won't cut the sugar out of my coffee or creamer. I'm going to do my best to eat better; it's what I need to do for my body, to combat unhealthy weight gain.