Saturday, July 26, 2008
I guess I'm bored today...
I changed my blog, took a new self portrait and then I did something I've not done before. I went back to the first post. I started my blog Jan. 3. This was almost one month after we discovered my missed m/c. It's crazy what life hands us and how we handle it. I will never be the same. That's OK with me...I think. I know that God does not give us things that we can't handle. I started reading. I cried. I cried not only for what I've gone through but how it changed me. I cried for the hurt that I still feel, for the people that go through the same thing; I cried for their hurt. I cried because I'm different. I can't say that I don't like myself, because that wouldn't be true. I've got a barrier now. It's larger than any other barrier I've ever had before. Part of me makes me wonder if that will ever be gone. It makes me cry, but I'm also so thankful. I'm thankful for this wiggly little boy that constantly kicks and rolls. I'm thankful that my m/c made my marriage stronger. I'm thankful that I have met amazing people throughout this process. I'm thankful that most days I do great, I don't have a care in the world. It's days when I'm bored that reflect and see those changes. I'm not as optimistic. That's a shame. I hope I get my optimism back. I think I need it. I want the glass to be half full and most days it is. I guess we all have days where the clouds are a little grayer.
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I love the new layout!
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ReplyDeleteI love the new layout!
ReplyDeleteand i just read through to the beginning of your blog. A big hug to you.
Life definitely has all these twists and turns that sometimes just makes us wonder "Why me?" And sometimes, it will make us want to scream and shout and cry until we can literally feel our hearts breaking into a million tiny pieces. And we wonder, will we ever be the same again? Probably not.
But by believing that God has a plan for each and every one of us, and by hanging on to the thought that everything that we've gone through, and lived through will make us stronger and ultimately, a better person...will hopefully help pull us through.
Sorry i'm rambling nonsensically!
bottom line is, big hug to you, and before you know it, you'll have in your arms a beautiful baby boy who'll take your breath away, and when his little hand clutches tightly onto your finger,you'll feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
again, sorry for rambling!
You should also be thankful that you have HELPED me in more ways than you will ever know. Like I said before, seeing someone who has been thru a m/c, gives us hope.
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